Big Bad Ass Book of Sex Read online

  Some tips for setting up the first meeting:

  Be honest. As in every stage of this endeavor, honesty is key. What good will lying do, after all? You’ll just end up in a situation you don’t want to be in.

  Meet first in a public place. This helps ensure the physical and emotional safety of everyone involved. It also makes it easier to ditch your intended third if he or she isn’t what you want upon closer inspection. It would be much harder to get that person to leave your home than to leave a bar or restaurant.

  Don’t plan the actual threesome for the first meeting. Give yourself time to get to know the person, if it’s not someone you already know, and time to be really certain you’re ready to go for it. There’s no rush, so why not take the pressure off?

  If the first meeting goes well and you’re ready to take the next step (the threesome itself—duh), arrange the next meeting. When you speak with your third participant to arrange the meeting, that’s the time to make sure he or she is crystal clear on your rules and boundaries.

  Tell your third:

  Safe sex will be practiced at all times.

  If at any time you or your partner is uncomfortable or does not want to continue for any reason, you can stop the encounter.

  No drugs are allowed.

  Another meeting is not a given; that’s something you and your partner will decide once you’ve experienced this one and talked about it.

  Any specific things that are not to be done to or with you or your partner (from the boundaries you set already).

  A clean bill of health in the form of negative AIDS and sexually transmitted disease test results would be nice to see.

  Decide whether you will all spend the whole night together or if your guest will leave at a prearranged time.

  TONIGHT’S THE NIGHT

  By now you, your partner, and the third participant should be old pals, totally comfortable with one another, right? With any luck, you won’t feel nervous or anxious when the big day arrives, but more likely than not and even if you’ve talked a blue streak with this person already, you’ll be a little on edge.

  First of all, a drink or two should provide the social lubrication and liquid courage you need to get relaxed and enjoy the fantasy that’s being realized. But don’t have more than that! If you’re drunk, not only will you be less able to pay attention to what’s going on and less in touch with your senses, but also, more important, you’ll be less likely to be strict about playing it safe. So have a glass of wine or even two, but stop there.

  While you sip your drink, try one of these icebreaking activities at the start of the encounter:

  Play strip poker or a naughty board game. Sex shops have a wide variety of suggestive games, and shopping for them will be a fun activity for you and your partner. You can even try a regular card game or board game if you want. It might take the pressure off to keep your clothes on for a while at the start of the adventure.

  Each one of you tells a funny sex story from your past. Remember the time you did it at the public pool after hours and got caught by your friend’s dad, who was a cop? Or that time you gave your boyfriend a blowjob while you drove home for Christmas from college? Telling stories will enhance the camaraderie between a couple and a third; it will also make you laugh, which will relax you, too.

  Grab your digital camera or Polaroid and take some sexy pictures. You don’t have to get completely naked, and you can be silly instead of sexy if you want. Vamping for the camera should get you loose either way.

  Dance. Start with fast music to get your adrenaline flowing, then slow it down and see what develops. Chances are that a sensual slow dance will get you right where you want to be.

  Read some erotica aloud. Pick a story from this book, maybe, and then see if the three of you can’t create an erotic scenario of your own.

  Play truth or dare. Start tame, with mostly truth questions, and then move on to naughty dares. This should get your juices flowing—creative and otherwise!

  SNAP OF THE FINGER

  When all else fails, try some porn. You might start out by making fun of it—the silly dialogue, the enormous fake breasts—but eventually it probably will have the desired effect. Then you can turn it off.

  ESSENTIAL THREESOME ETIQUETTE

  As far as positions go, who’s doing what to whom at any given moment and who should climax first, second, and third, we wouldn’t presume to tell you, and you probably can work out most of the configurations by taking into account everyone’s desires and boundaries.

  YOU’RE WELCOME FOR THE TIP

  Positions during the real thing will be very different from what you were able to accomplish when it was just the two of you and a dildo. Dildos don’t have arms and legs and heads, after all; this makes reality a bit more awkward and, of course, more real.

  We can, however, offer are some suggestions and helpful hints so that you don’t end up tangled in a heap or disappointed by what should be—if you’ve made it this far—a phenomenal sexual experience for all three of you.

  Don’t use porn as a guideline. Take this advice to heart in two senses:

  1. Porno directors are in the business of making fantasy fodder that looks good. There are special lights and scene setters to make sure it looks good. You won’t have those things, so it may not always look great or go smoothly. It may be difficult to figure out where to put your arm or leg sometimes. Try to go with the flow and don’t worry too much about how it looks.

  2. Porn is not known for its loving relationships, but presumably, you and your partner are in one. Having a threesome does not mean you shouldn’t be tender toward your partner and let him or her know that even though there’s an exciting new person in your bed, you’re still very much in love with your partner.

  Try to keep everyone involved at all times. Nothing makes a person feel more unwanted than being naked and left out of a threesome.

  BARE FACTS

  Obviously, if one person is there just to watch, you don’t have to involve him or her in the sex.

  If something happens that you don’t enjoy or that makes you feel uncomfortable, let it be known without unnecessarily hurting someone’s feelings or spoiling the mood. In other words, try to be forthright and polite at the same time.

  As with any sexual situation, toys and accessories can be a welcome addition. They may include vibrators, lubricants (highly recommended), blindfolds, or any other accoutrements you might enjoy. Just make sure everyone’s on board.

  Each participant should take a turn being the center of attention. It’s only fair that everyone be spoiled!

  It cannot be stressed enough: Condoms and dental dams are a must!

  Take your time. This might be a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and so it should be savored. And if it’s not just a one-off, then why try to do everything the first time? Don’t rush. It’ll be much better if you take it slow and enjoy yourself.

  Pay attention to your partner. Sexually, of course, but also pay attention to what he or she seems to be enjoying with your guest. If part of the reason you decided to have a threesome was to gain a deeper understanding of your partner’s sexuality and your own, firsthand knowledge is best. It’s right there for you to see, so take a good long look.

  QUICK FIX

  There will inevitably be some downtime during the threesome. Each participant may find him or herself without something (or someone) to do for a few minutes. Take this time to masturbate or enjoy the show—or hey, do both!

  WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?

  Sometime after your experience (though probably not immediately after your guest departs, as you will probably be kind of sleepy), you and your partner need to discuss the encounter.

  That’s right: more questions.

  Did each of you get what you wanted out of it?

  Did it meet your expectations?

  Did you enjoy yourself?

  Did any part of it make you feel uncomfortable or bad?

  What feelings, besides arousal
, did you experience during the encounter?

  If you were to do it again, are there things you would do differently?

  Do you want to do it again?

  If the two of you do it again, would you invite the same third person back?

  What did you learn about your own sexual identity?

  What did you learn about your partner’s sexuality?

  These questions will help you decide whether you want to make threesomes a regular part of your sexual repertoire or if once was enough to satisfy your urge and curiosity. Your feelings about the experience may change, so keep talking about it as that happens. If nothing else comes of your threesome experience, you will have learned to talk openly about sexual matters with your partner, and that is an extremely important skill. If you decide to do it again, have a blast!

  WELL, LOOK WHO FINALLY MADE THE

  Rodeo

  For something that sounds so RISKY, inviting a third person to share your bed involves RESEARCH, CAREFUL QUESTIONS, and HONEST ANSWERS, and an awareness that no matter what happens, even simply bringing the subject up can change a relationship for better or worse. We hope it’s for the better!

  Stories

  LONG WEEKEND

  Anne Alexander

  Oh, yes,” Tricia purred, sinking deeper into the steamy water. “This is just what I needed.”

  “Mmmm, me too,” Julie said, lifting one of her long, toned legs out of the Jacuzzi and wiggling her toes.

  “Yeah, this was a great idea. I’m so glad I had it!” Lindy laughed, thinking of that day two months ago when she’d e-mailed her two best friends from college with a plan: they would all meet in Vegas for a long weekend, stay somewhere fancy, and really have a wild time together, the way they used to. It had been too long since they’d all been together, probably since her brother’s wedding the previous year. Even though they were all busy with their separate lives in their different cities, they’d stayed very close in the ten years since graduating. But it had definitely been too long this time.

  And now here they all were, in a hot tub in a deluxe suite at the Bellagio, looking out over the Las Vegas strip while immersed in hot, swirling water. They’d arrived the night before and gone right out to dinner, then to a club, then to the casino, and then finally back to the suite, where they’d fallen into bed around 4 a.m. They were taking it easy today, just relaxing, since each had been stressed at work lately and they all really needed some downtime. After shopping and walking around town all day, the Jacuzzi proved the perfect thing.

  Julie sipped her champagne and then said, “So, do you think we’ll meet any guys tonight? They were all duds last night.”

  “Ugh, who cares? I don’t want to think about it,” Lindy said. “We came here to get away from stress, right?”

  “True. And anyway, I think Gary would be a little peeved if I hooked up on this vacation,” Tricia said.

  “I thought you guys were off again. What’s up?” Lindy asked.

  “Oh, I don’t know. I can’t keep up. I don’t even want to talk about it. Turn up the jets?” Tricia sighed.

  “You got it.” Julie reached over and turned the knob.

  They sat in relaxed silence for a few minutes, luxuriating in the water bubbling around their bodies. Then Tricia sat up, grabbed her glass, and asked, “Anyone need more champers? I’m thirsty!”

  “I’ll take some more, though I’m feeling a little tipsy,” Julie said, handing over her glass.

  “Me, too,” Lindy said, her voice thick with happy, sleepy relaxation.

  Tricia stood up in a whoosh, and the water splashed down her naked body, forming droplets on the ends of her nipples, which had hardened from the cool air outside the tub. Her dark hair was wisped around her face, and she was all pink from the hot water. Lindy looked up at her. “You look beautiful, Trish,” she said.

  “Aw, thanks, babe. You’re not too bad yourself.” Tricia winked, scampered out of the tub, and headed for the bar. She returned in a moment with the champagne bottle, setting it on the edge of the Jacuzzi and climbing back in.

  Julie reached out her glass, giggling. “Fill me up!” she said.

  When everyone had a full glass again, Lindy said, “A toast!” They all raised their glasses. “To staying best friends and staying close. I love you guys.”

  “Aw, I love you guys,” Tricia said, leaning over and kissing Lindy on the cheek.

  “I love you, too!” Julie said, turning her head to kiss Tricia just as Tricia turned her head. They ended up colliding and kissing on the lips. They were moving a bit slowly because of all the bubbly, and they held the kiss for a moment.

  “Oooooh,” Lindy said. Then, “Hey! No fair! I want a kiss.” Julie broke from Tricia and leaned over to Lindy.

  “Aw, you feel left out, Lin? I’ll kiss you,” she teased, planting a soft kiss on her friend’s lips.

  “I will, too!” Tricia shouted, leaning over and kissing Lindy on the cheek, then moving to her mouth as Julie drew back and took a sip from her glass.

  “You guys?” Julie said tentatively. “I just had an idea. In the spirit of, you know, relaxation and girl power and how much we all love each other—”

  “Oh, shut up, Julie,” Tricia said, putting her mouth over her friend’s to make her quiet. Tricia reached her hand up and took the clip out of her friend’s curly blond hair, letting it fall around her face. “This what you had in mind?”

  Julie nodded as Lindy reached her hand down to feel Tricia’s breast, gently tweaking the nipple she had admired a few minutes before. In response, Tricia reached her own hand back and flicked Lindy’s pink-tipped breast with her fingers. She broke the kiss with Julie just long enough to say, “Lindy, I’ve always loved your boobs. They’re so great.”

  Lindy blushed, moved her wet black locks out of the way, and looked down at her breasts. They were pretty nice even though she’d often wished her double-Ds were a little smaller. “Thanks, Trish. I like yours, too,” she said, dripping some champagne down onto Tricia’s chest and then bending down to lick the sweet liquid from her friend’s perky breast.

  Julie reached over and turned the jets down. “What about mine, you guys?” she said, sticking them out.

  Tricia and Lindy laughed as each reached out a hand to finger one of Julie’s gorgeous silver-dollar-sized beauties. “Perfect,” Tricia sighed.

  “Really wonderful, Jules,” Lindy said, leaning in to kiss Julie. Julie’s lips parted immediately, and Lindy took the opportunity to push her tongue into her friend’s luscious mouth. Soon their tongues were wrestling feverishly as they toyed with each other’s hard nipples.

  “Wow, you guys are so lovely,” Tricia said.

  Lindy and Julie broke their kiss, giggling. “I think she’s drunk,” Lindy said.

  “I am, but you’re still lovely,” Tricia said, pouting. “Now one of you, come sit on my lap.”

  Julie hopped up, water cascading down her petite figure, and straddled Tricia, facing out toward Lindy. Tricia pulled Julie’s hair to the side and immediately began kissing and nibbling her neck, eliciting a delighted moan from her. Lindy covered Julie’s mouth with her own once again, and the two women began a slow, deep kiss.

  After a few rapturous moments of this, Lindy reached her hand down under the water toward the spot between Julie’s legs that she knew must be on fire, only to find Tricia’s hand already there. She was momentarily disappointed but then decided Tricia probably needed attention, too, and reached her hand past Julie’s tight, round ass into the slippery spot between Tricia’s legs.

  “Ohhh,” Tricia moaned against Julie’s neck as Lindy’s fingers plunged inside her first tentatively and then with more force.

  Lindy could tell from her friend’s whimpers that Tricia was enjoying her ministrations. (And why not? Lindy thought, I always enjoy myself when I masturbate!) But Lindy was feeling neglected even though Julie was playing with her nipples nonstop. Her clitoris was aching for some attention, though, and she just had to have
it, so she maneuvered herself up onto her knees and scooted her butt backward, finding a pulsing jet. She positioned her clit over the jet and sank down a little to get a better fit.

  “Mmmm, yeah,” she said as Julie’s hand, which had momentarily lost Lindy’s nipple when she shifted her position, found the stiff bud once more. Meanwhile, Tricia was rubbing right above Julie’s clit, where she knew her friend loved to be stroked.

  Back in college, there wasn’t much the three friends didn’t share with one another, and how they masturbated and the specifics of their sexual encounters were well-covered topics among them. Each knew how the others came hardest and best, and each was intent on pleasing her friends.

  Lindy’s new position didn’t allow her access to Tricia, so she sat back down, suddenly missing the jet’s position on her clitoris. Her hand quickly found Tricia’s again, and she tickled it lightly and then dipped inside her friend again. With her other hand, Lindy grabbed Julie’s free hand and placed it on her own sweet spot. Julie’s eyes opened as she was momentarily taken out of her reverie, but she quickly got the message and began stroking Lindy in earnest, pausing every once in a while to stick two fingers inside her and lean down and lightly bite a nipple.

  One of Tricia’s hands had moved to Julie’s breasts, and between that attention and the hand that had been steadily moving between her legs, Julie was nearly at her peak. The sensations her friends were giving her and the pulsating hot water all around her got to be too much as she suddenly felt herself coming. “Oh, you guys, oh! Jesus. Mm, oh,” she babbled incoherently as her vaginal walls tightened around Tricia’s fingers and her belly shook through her climax.

  “Ahh,” she breathed, catching her breath.