Big Bad Ass Book of Sex Read online

  WELL, LOOK WHO FINALLY MADE THE

  Rodeo

  To wrap this up, masturbation is touching yourself to achieve sexual pleasure. It’s FUN, FREE, and HARMLESS, doesn’t hurt anyone, and can help you sleep; if everyone masturbated (especially politicians), the world might just be a better place. So get to know yourself intimately. It will help you RELAX, you will learn what TURNS YOU ON and off, and it may even make you a BETTER LOVER when you have a partner or two in the room with you.

  Stories

  A NEW TOY

  Anne Alexander

  Lily could hardly wait to get home. She sat in the back of the cab, clutching her bag to her chest. She wanted to take it out and look at it, but she thought she better wait to get inside her apartment—or at least to the elevator.

  Finally the taxi driver pulled up in front of her building. She gave him a handful of bills and rushed out of the cab and past the doorman. Once she was on her way up in the quiet elevator, she allowed herself to peek into the bag.

  It hardly looked like a sex toy, really. It was almost demure there in its little purple box. She was glad the clerk had opened the box and put batteries in—she’d be able to just get right to it once she got inside. Lily knew Steve wouldn’t be home. Not that she didn’t want him to know about it or wouldn’t show it to him later, but she thought her first time should be solo, away from her boyfriend’s curious eyes.

  She had it on good authority that this particular model was the best vibrator on the market. She’d asked Kara, her most sexually adventurous friend, about the best kind to use if she didn’t actually want something penislike, just a vibrator. “The Love Bullet. No doubt about it,” Kara had said without even pausing to think about it. So now, a week later, Lily had gone to the Pleasure Center, a bit embarrassed but mostly excited, and bought it.

  Finally! Her floor! Her anticipation was rising with every passing minute. She unlocked her door and went inside.

  Lily went immediately to the bedroom, taking off her coat and scarf on the way. Once inside, she shut the door and contemplated locking it. Nah, she thought. Steve won’t be home for hours. She took the box out of the bag and then took the little gold vibrator out of the box. She turned it on and felt it buzz in her hand. “Weee!” she said aloud to no one. She turned it off again and set it down on her nightstand, then started taking off her clothes.

  She pulled off her boots and socks, then unzipped her jeans, slid them over her hips, and kicked them off. She pulled her sweater over her head and threw it on a chair, then shook out her hair. Now down to her pink bra and panties, she pulled down the duvet and got into bed, pulling the blanket up only as far as her thighs. Lily figured she’d be warm enough soon.

  She turned on some music—Prince seemed appropriate for the occasion—and thought about lighting some candles but decided that would be corny. Okay, I’m ready, she said to herself after briefly considering turning on some porn and dismissing it as unnecessary.

  She turned it on and felt it buzz a little. She started moving it to the already wet spot between her legs but pulled it away and turned it off at the last moment. I need to start a little slower, Lily thought. I’ll romance myself a little. Ha!

  She ran her hands through her hair and down her chest to her nipples, which she tweaked lightly through the lace and silk of her bra. She sighed, imagining being taken from behind, doggie-style. Steve liked it that way; what he didn’t know was how much she loved it, being ridden roughly as he reached around and fingered her, slamming into her again and again.

  Sometimes he got so worked up that he smacked her ass. She really loved that. Thinking of it now, she felt a jolt from her nipples to her clitoris, and she thought she might be almost ready to fire up the Bullet.

  “Mmmmm,” Lily moaned, taking her hands from her nipples long enough to remove her bra. She licked her fingers and moved them back to her hard buds, her slippery saliva feeling fantastic on her skin. Prince was really getting into it too: “… little red Corvette … baby you’re much too fast.…” She moaned again. “Mmmm.…”

  She kept her left hand on her nipple as she reached down into her panties with her right and felt how warm and wet she was. She twirled her fingers in her pubic hair for a minute, then dipped lower into her vagina. She was so wet, so hot. “Ohhhh …” she murmured, swirling two fingers into herself.

  Lily moved her fingers up and found her clitoris, which was hard and sensitive as she ran her finger around it. She thought of Steve doing her in the shower, from behind of course, the hot water coursing down on their naked skin. He would pull out almost all the way, then ram all the way in again until his balls smacked against her with each wet thrust.

  “Oops,” Lily said, opening her eyes. I almost forgot my new toy!

  She picked it up and turned it on to the high setting, then moved it over to her wet nipple. Ooh, she thought, that’s too much. She turned it down to medium and moved it down her firm belly to the top of her panties. With one more inch, she was inside the silky, damp material.

  Lily licked her lips and, still twirling her fingers around her left nipple, moved the little vibrator down to her wet opening, dipping it inside herself briefly and getting it lubricated. That feels funny there, she thought, keeping the toy inside herself for a moment more until she could wait no longer.

  She moved it up to her clit, circling it around the sensitive bud several times and thrilling at each tingly feeling of pleasure that ran through her whole body. “Mmmm,” she purred again. She thought of being in the shower with Steve again, but this time she was on her knees in front of him, sucking his beautiful cock into her mouth again and again as he held the back of her head and moaned softly, smiling and about to come in her mouth.

  “Oh, oh,” she yelped, moving the Bullet faster over her clit and pulling on her nipple. She arched her back and spread her legs. She was sweating now as she strained toward her ultimate pleasure. In her mind, Steve was pounding into her as he moved his fingers on her clitoris, getting ready to come with her and fill her, but in reality, she moved the vibrator with lightning speed now, fast approaching her own climax.

  “Yeah, yeah, babe, yeah,” she whimpered, circling her nipple again. “Ohhh,” she moaned as she stopped moving, held perfectly still, and came. Hard. She felt the miraculous feeling of letting go of all sense and tension, good feelings pouring all over her body as she held the vibrator still on her clitoris. She felt her orgasm ripple through her for a full minute as her insides contracted over and over again. “Ohhhh. Mmm,” she sighed, spent and delighted.

  Suddenly, she heard clapping. Her eyes flew open, and there was Steve, standing in the doorway applauding her with a massive erection straining the front of his pants.

  She pulled the blanket up over herself. “When did you get home? How long have you been here?”

  “Long enough, babe. Damn, I’m so glad I came home early. That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”

  Lily blushed. “Well, I finally just went and got a vibrator, and I wanted to try it out.…”

  “No need to make excuses. But do you have any energy left for me?”

  Lily smiled. “Always.”

  VIDEO

  J. M. Thompson

  Terry stepped off the shuttle bus, walked around to the back, and grabbed his bag while handing the driver a tip. With his laptop bag over his shoulder, he grabbed the extended handle to his roller bag and headed through the automatic doors into the hotel lobby. Smiling at the desk clerk, he said in a quiet voice, “I have reservations for Anders, Terry Anders.”

  Within a few minutes, Terry had his room key card. The desk clerk said, “You’ll be in room 1504. Just take the elevators at the back of the lobby.” She pointed to the elevators while he grabbed his bag.

  Terry got on the elevator. The doors quickly slid shut, and the elevator moved rapidly upward. When it reached his floor, the doors opened and Terry stepped into the hallway. He headed to the right and then slipped his key card into the
door. The small light flashed green, and he pushed the door inward, dragging his rolling bag behind him. He moved the bag into the closet and stepped farther into the room, letting the door close behind him.

  He eased the computer bag off his shoulder, unzipped it, pulled out his laptop, and placed it on the desk. He opened it, plugged the mouse cord into the USB port, and turned on the computer. Reaching back into the bag, he grabbed a flash drive and placed it next to the computer. As the computer started up, he kicked off his shoes, pulled off his shirt and pants, and sat down in the desk chair.

  Remembering something, he spun in the chair, pulled a small set of earphones out of the computer bag, and plugged them in. Once they were plugged in and he saw the computer had finished its start-up ritual, he turned on the sound and plugged in the flash drive. When the window popped up, he clicked through several layers of folders until he found the exact file he wanted.

  With a double click, he started the video file and then put the earphones in his ear, waiting for the video to begin. When it showed up in a small window, he clicked an arrow, and the window expanded to full screen, where he could see a slightly grainy view of a naked woman. She was in bed on her back, with her legs spread open.

  Terry looked over the woman, her large breasts sagging a bit, her nipples jutting outward toward the viewer, her slightly rounded stomach rising and falling slowly as she breathed. Pausing the video, Terry smiled, admiring the familiar territory of his wife’s body, remembering it as he had seen it last, a few days earlier. He clicked play and watched as his wife’s hand moved down between her legs, her fingers parting her lips slightly, slipping inside and coating them in her wetness. As her fingers moved up to her slit again, opening it and finding her clit, Terry took his palms and began circling them over his nipples. With just a bit of movement, he could feel his nipples and cock harden.

  His wife paused a moment, moving her fingers back and forth until they were comfortable on her clit, and then she began a slow circling movement. Terry watched intently as her hand continued to move, quickening the pace a bit. After a few moments he watched her move her hips just a little, lifting herself, pushing up to her fingers. As she continued, she began to move her hips a bit more, reminding him of how she moved when they made love as she lifted herself up to him.

  A little later, Terry could hear a sound, a faint coo that soon was followed by a louder moan. He cock was hard now, but, teasing himself, he only touched his nipples, leaving his cock throbbing wantonly against his jockey shorts. His wife moaned again loudly and lifted her hips, moving her legs in and out. Yes, he could see and hear it now; she was coming and she whined loudly, quickly pulled her fingers from her clit, and closed her legs.

  The video looped back to the beginning. As Terry slipped off his jockey shorts, freeing his cock, he could see his wife’s fingers dip once again into herself and then move, glistening, up to her clit. Wrapping his fingers around his cock, he began moving his hand up and down the shaft as he intently watched his wife’s fingers move over her clitoris. As she lifted her hips for the first time, Terry lifted his, remembering how turned on he had been when he filmed his wife doing this.

  Terry savored the sensations that were building in his cock as he continued stroking, lifting his hips and thrusting forward whenever his wife lifted hers. As he listened to her first moan, he had to slow down his stroke a bit, wanting to time himself perfectly. His hand moved slowly now as he felt himself on the edge, hanging there, waiting for that special moment. Another moan and he stroked a bit faster; yes, the feeling was so good as it ran down his cock to his balls.

  And then it happened. She began her whine, that incredibly beautiful sound she made when she came, when her body felt the intense pleasure shoot from her clit and take her completely. Terry’s hand moved quickly, and he felt the hot splash hit his stomach once and then again. He continued stroking as he watched his wife pull her hand from her clit and close her legs, simply enjoying the sensations that filled her. Terry slowed his hand as his juice continued oozing down over his fist.

  He grabbed a nearby towel and cleaned himself up as he watched the video loop once again and his wife’s fingers slipped inside herself. The video continued playing as Terry sat back, catching his breath as his wife once again began lifting her hips. He left the video playing until she came again, then he clicked it off and got dressed for dinner. After dinner, he’d give her a call and perhaps tell her about the wonderful video he watched that afternoon.

  HEAVY BREATHING

  Wolf Feather

  My wife has always been much more of a heavy breather than a screamer or a moaner. While I quite enjoy the moans and especially the screams of a woman in the throes of ecstasy, the heavy breathing is also sexy in itself. The very few times my wife has screamed in pleasure all followed lengthy periods of heavy breathing during which I would arouse her to the brink of orgasm, then deny her the sexual release.

  Fortunately, those were times when I had first secured her limbs to the bedposts, or else she definitely would have choked me to death for denying her again and again and again.

  When I returned early from work to get a jump on the weekend, it was clear that my wife had not heard me pull the car into the driveway or enter our small house, because she was nowhere in sight, yet her car was in the driveway. As I approached the bedroom, however, I was very pleasantly surprised to hear her heavy breathing—it was faint from my vantage point but definitely enough to begin a telltale lengthening process within my slacks.

  As quietly as possible, I moved down the carpeted hallway. My wife’s heavy breaths sounded full of need, as if her quest for release was just about to reach a long-anticipated climax. Finding the bedroom door open wide, I looked in to find her on her back, lying across the bed, her head hanging over the side, her face a bit red from the blood pooling in her head, the ends of her rust-colored hair brushing the carpet. I knew from both her comments and the reaction of her body just how much she enjoyed having sex with her head unsupported like this, as the pooling blood gave her a more “heady” sensation in the experience.

  Her eyes were closed, but her mouth more than compensated. The breathy sounds escaping past those plump, red-painted lips were hard and short, almost staccato notes sounding in nearly perfect rhythm with the bucking of her naked body against the actions of her hands. Yet somehow, the earphones had not fallen from her head.

  I followed the cord of the earphones to the small MP3 player beside her on the bed. Clearly, my wife could not hear me, so I stepped into the bedroom, not wanting to disturb her wonderful lewd display of carnal femininity yet curious about what had brought her to such a frenzy. Bending over the bed without touching it so that I would not alert her to my presence this early in the afternoon, I recognized the track title as one of our favorite sound files downloaded from a sex sounds website: a track of a woman being (supposedly) double-penetrated and perpetually screaming for the entire eight-plus minutes of the file as another woman’s barely heard voice provided encouragement for her to keep screaming and for the two men to keep fucking her.

  She plunged a thick dildo repeatedly into her dripping body as her other hand worked her clitoris furiously. As a multiorgasmic woman, my wife could conceivably ride the tidal waves of primal pleasure for some five minutes, which meant a great visual treat for me. I stepped back from the bed and leaned against the wall, gently caressing my erection through my slacks while I enjoyed the vision of self-lust.

  Yet, although the sight before me was indeed grand, it was the heavy breathing that truly attracted my attention. Her breathing—and the rapid rise and fall of her firm breasts—was becoming more and more erratic, her exhalations sharper and slightly louder, yet she was still not quite at the point where her conscious mind would let go of her self-control and allow her beautiful siren voice to sing unabashedly (and unknowingly) to me.

  Then it finally happened: her body stiff yet quivering visibly, the initial orgasm drowned her senses. All breathing
ceased, and her heart probably stopped beating as well. Her eyes snapped open and she happened to be looking directly at my hand upon my crotch, but from the faraway, glassy look in those large hazel orbs, she clearly was unable to see anything through the haze of her all-consuming carnal release.

  That image of my sultry wife instantly seared itself onto my brain, a vision never to be forgotten. The prominent nipples appeared to be as hard as the small rings piercing them. Her skin seemed to shine, and not just from the sweat that had formed upon her. The end of the long fluorescent green dildo appeared explicitly obscene in her hand. Her rusty hair seemed to form a curtain hiding the inappropriate treasures we stored underneath the bed.

  Just as suddenly as she had stiffened, the beauty on the bed once again became a study in motion, pistoning the dildo inside her and furiously torturing her clitoris. Her heavy breathing—and certainly her heartbeat—again resumed, this time louder than before. Her eyes closed again, my wife bobbed her head up and down and shook from side to side, causing the rust-colored curtain to shimmy. The movements of her breasts were almost mesmerizing, enhanced by the small ring of silver attached to each proud, attention-demanding nipple.

  I watched with rapt interest, devouring the lewd scene before me, inhaling the scent of excited femininity, and savoring the sound of her heavy breathing. Through the slacks, I stroked myself more urgently, such was the effect of the libidinous display before me.

  The beautiful hazel orbs opened again, looking directly at my hand-covered crotch. The haze of sexuality had apparently lifted just enough for her to realize that she was no longer alone, and an exhalation that had begun as a soft grunt whiplashed into a startled scream, but then even that snapped into an orgasmic cry as she inflicted another climax upon her writhing body.